My first blog post….maybe my last?

This is my very first post. 

I might not post again but lying in bed at 3am with a drunk husband next to me, a 2 year old in the next room and an even more drunk brother in law in the spare room I feel I need to get things off my chest and no one wants a call at this time of the morning.

Today I had my first counselling session, only my husband and my boss knew so once I’d finished I had no one to talk to as hubby went out (hence the drunkness) and my boss isn’t exactly the person I want to speak to right now …so the fact I’ve been feeling shit all day has lead to setting up a blog to let my feelings out instead as the drunken husband won’t listen in his drunken sleep

I spent 50 minutes talking and crying and wondering if next week I’ll feel better than I do right now, I definitely feel worse than when I went in but I guess that’s the point of them (not to feel shit but to open up and talk and re surface why I’m there in the first place) I don’t think the detail of why I’m going needs to be told at the moment, I don’t want to write and regret just yet especially in my first blog

I think my 2 year old will wake up in about 3.5 hours and it’s Saturday tomorrow so I can’t hand him over to anyone, I need to look after him and his teenage tantrums that I’m sure I shouldn’t be experiencing for at least another 11 years? So I’m going to keep this short and sweet in the hope I get some sleep….

Lastly, also going round my head is why I’m doing this, will people even read this? How will they find it? I’m hardly going to share the link on my Facebook am I? Or am I doing it to put my feelings down in the hope it helps?
Night all x

Marriage break up?

So, we’re going through a rough patch, a year long one and today (hungover) he’s decided enough is enough and he’s leaving, well, leaving for the night, can’t do it anymore, needs some space to think,  can’t be a father today as it’s hard work when he’s tired (really?)

So I’m at home with the 2 year old and he’s having a night off….not sure what to think?

The next 12 hours will determine the rest of my life, managed about 3 hours sleep last night so tonight will be interesting as I can’t see me being able to sleep much more wondering what decision he makes and when I’ll be informed. although in the words of my husband ‘just roll over, close your eyes and go to sleep’ (easier said than done, he’s lucky he’s NEVER been able to not sleep!!) 

….tomorrow after (probably) 2 nights of hardly any sleep I’ve got to hold it together to be a mother and not loose the plot with the innocent party so I’m going to have to work that one out at some point

Again, writing this is easier than talking to anyone, I have decided I don’t have anyone I can talk to as I don’t want them to judge our decisions and what’s going on plus if we magically sort this out I’d rather no one know….

Happy Saturday night all